Most people would choose not to go to court if they could. So, what’s the next viable option? Divorce mediation! Through this process, you and your partner can come to a mutually beneficial divorce settlement guided by a divorce mediator.

Why chose Mediation?

Aside from the whole court-avoidance thing, mediation might be the best choice for you if you have children, jointly owned property, and investments. Following the decision to proceed with the divorce, you will need to determine how to divide your assets and establish child custody, support, and visitation rights. A mediator is a neutral third-party that helps a couple negotiate their divorce settlement.

Splitting up a marriage is an extremely emotional one; it can create trust issues and negative feelings. Because of this, many struggle to remain objective. This is where a mediator can assist you both in reaching a compromise and agreement on important decisions. While a mediator can’t give legal advice, they can help you to effectively communicate to reach an amicable decision. If you can tolerate being in the same room, mediation may be the right tool for you. Mediation can even be conducted over Zoom.

The mediator’s role? Decision-maker or facilitator?

Even if you decide to use mediation, you should still be prepared. Divorce court is not a place to fly by the seat of your pants, and neither is divorce mediation. It can still include many of the same stressful processes of a typical court room. Additionally, if you show up unprepared, you might not get the settlement you want.

Only you and your partner will engage with a mediator to resolve the major decisions that a divorce demands you to make. The mediator won’t tell you what to do and they won’t decide for you either. Consider how you want your life to look when this process is finished. Concentrate on what you would need from the separation in order to get there. But know when to compromise!  

Meeting With Your Divorce Mediator

When you first meet with your divorce mediator, bring a list of all jointly owned assets, a home valuation, a copy of your prenuptial agreement (if you have one), copies of your income tax return, and retirement account statements to your first appointment. Bring a notebook and pen and ask questions!

Write down the things you’ll need to remember and ask about fees. At this point in the mediation process, specifically when it comes to the financials, you’ll benefit greatly by hiring a financial expert like a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® or CDFA®.

The purpose of your initial appointment with a mediator is to evaluate your situation, get a feel for the chemistry between the two of you, and for you to get to know the mediator. The purpose of a CDFA® is to provide you with a quality financial evaluation to determine how to divide your assets and liabilities, what to expect for cash-flow, and other considerations like child support and/or spousal maintenance. The CDFA® provides you with a report to bring to the table for your mediator to help you decide on what’s important to both parties.

Although mediation is held in a conference room or office, an informal atmosphere should still be felt. For both parties to remain calm, the mediator works to provide a relaxed environment. Helping the couple come up with original ways to communicate and come to an agreement is one of the mediator’s key objectives, especially if there is conflict between the couple. Every divorce is different, therefore there isn’t a specific number of sessions per week. While some couples only require a few sessions, others might require more.



So, you both have decided that you want to avoid the court room and mediation is an option you want to pursue. Not only will it save you on attorney fees, in the end, it should generate a positive, successful outcome for the entire family.