When it comes to divorce, half of the people involved will hear the news, while the other half will deliver it. Let's begin with what you should avoid doing! Many people handle this poorly. You can't predict how your spouse will react, especially if infidelity is involved, and this fear can lead to poor decisions. For instance, assuming that breaking the news in a public place will prevent an emotional outburst.

In reality, telling your spouse in a public place means they will have to deal with their world falling apart in front of others. This conversation will bring out deep emotions that they may not even realize they have, making it even harder to handle in a public setting.

So, what’s the best approach? There may not be a perfect one. This will be one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have. Here are my best tips.
 

1)  Ensure the kids are not around. This is a good time for them to have a sleepover with friends or spend the night with grandparents. You both need space to handle this situation.

2) Give your spouse time to process the news. The best approach is to say it simply and directly, then let them know you don't want to discuss anything immediately. Consider arranging to leave and spend the night elsewhere. This will be beneficial for both of you.

3) Break the news in person. Whatever you do, don't do it through a letter, email, or, worst of all, a text message. Have the courage to say it face-to-face.

4) Focus on your own feelings and decisions. Avoid attacking or using "you" statements. Here’s an example: “I have made a personal decision that I need to share with you. I can no longer stay in this marriage, and I believe it will be best for both of us to start the divorce process. The reasons aren’t important anymore. I just know that I need things to change. I understand this is a lot to take in, and it’s not a good idea to talk about it right now. I’ve arranged to stay somewhere else tonight so you can have some time to yourself. I’m really sorry.” Then quietly leave.

It may not go perfectly, but it's a good way to start.

 
5) Ensure your safety. If there's any chance your spouse might react with anger or violence, have someone with you. They can wait by the front door while you talk to your spouse privately, and then you should leave right away.

I understand this can be frightening, but you can't move forward with your life until you take this step.